Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize