Ambien. No doubt about it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
