I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
