I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize