He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
