her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
