Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
