Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
