we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
