i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
