My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
