The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
