Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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