they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
