He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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