I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
