just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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