I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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