Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
