I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
