Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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