You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
