There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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