Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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