apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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