so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
