Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
