i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My breasts were aching with rage.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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