When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
