he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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