Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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