turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
