Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
