My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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