My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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