it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
