Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
