dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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