Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
