I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
