Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
