Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
