Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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