JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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