The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
