when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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