I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
