I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
