The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize