"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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