Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
