Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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