I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
