bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
