If that was your dad, he is hot
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize