His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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