this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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