Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
