um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize