i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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