If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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