If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
