don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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