You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
