News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry my hands just texted you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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