Please, let me fuck your mom
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
