In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize