Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
