obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
