remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we're so committed to being not committed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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