I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize