He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
