The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
